Did you know that God joined Facebook? It’s true, some of my friends became fans of his. Or should I say His? Hey God, let’s agree that we’re going to use lowercase pronouns for both of us from here on out okay? I knew you’d understand.

I just want to make sure that everyone understands what sort of opportunity this is. How awesome will it be to see God’s status updates?! You might hold off on a prayer or two if it says, “God is tired of all the whining,” for instance. If you really need something done, maybe you could buy God a gift! I’m sure he’ll be much more agreeable once you’ve given him a virtual teddy bear or thong.

Personally, you know what I’m most interested in? THE QUIZZES. I am dying to know what drug God is, what his favorite Disney character is, and what his hippie name is.

I, for one, am glad that God has scrapped the outdated “prayer” model and updated his social network. Who wants to talk to a faceless entity in the sky when you can just leave him a comment on his pictures from his latest party (Easter dinner, anyone?)? Instead of falling on your knees at random times during the day to let God know you’re thinking of him, you can just poke him! If you’re lucky, you can even chat with him via Facebook IM. I’d hate to see how many chat windows God will have open! Here’s a word of advice from someone who knows, God: I recommend staying Offline when it comes to chat. Make ’em work for it!

And now a word of advice for everyone else: you might want to think twice before posting those pictures from your party last weekend. You know, the pictures that show you drinking to excess and coveting your neighbor’s ass, if you know what I mean. One thing you don’t want is a disappointed comment from God on your photo album. Thumbs down!

Facebook is dumb.

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